The Return

Heya people.

I'm BAAAACK... hahaha. Ok. Yes, yes, I know it's been a long time but... yes? You over there with your hand raised? You have a question? Sure, go ahead! Can you throw rotten tomatoes at me? Errr... ah I see someone else in the back there has his hand raised. Yes sir, your question? Can you throw week old socks... Yes, you, young lady over there. I see you have your hand raised as well. What's that in your hand? Mouldy bak kwa leftover from Chinese New Year? Oh. LAST year's Chinese New Year. Ok, to the three of you, and to everyone else who has their hands raised. I have just one word for you. NO.

Alright alright. I know it's been a long time since I last blogged. So long that everyone actually remembers the date of my last blog because they find it amazing that I can put off blogging for that long. Well evidently I can, I'm a man of patience and discipline. You, sir, over there. Please. The next time you want to puke, kindly do it in a plastic bag. Thank you. Ok ok, fine, so I've been lazy and the biggest procrastinator on earth. Yes, yes. That's the truth.

Yup.

Uh huh.

Ok alright alright, stop booing already. And they tell me honesty is the best policy...

SO... anyway, I'm back. It's been a whirlwind 2 months for me. Falling sick right after my return from East Timor, Christmas production, back to school... it's just been total madness. Or at least, I felt it was total madness. After Christmas, I told myslef that I need a break, I DESERVE a break, so that's exactly what I did. Took a break from any forms of work outside of what was neccessary. Or rather, what I felt was neccessary. Some more honesty coming up (ok DON'T BOO, I feel bad enough as it is). Looking back, it's kinda sad cos I think I really wasted my January away. I wasn't bothered about schoolwork, I wasn't bothered about ministry, I wasn't even really bothered about God for a while. I actually thought God wouldn't mind me taking a short break. DUH. Evidently He does mind me taking a break from Him because I've had people reminding and reminding me to firstly: UPDATE MY BLOG. Yup. To those who were constantly chasing and harrassing me to update, thanks. You were all part of the restoration process.

And then I've had people like Sis Lily coming to me and telling me just off the bat that I need to get to work. Ouch. Talk about a reality pinch. And of course, to quote my favourite Psalm: "Where can I go from Your Spirit? Where can I go from Your presence? If I go up to the heavens (evidently, not where I was), You are there; if I make my bed in the depths (that's more like it), You are there. ... How precious to me are Your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with You." (Ps. 139:7-8, 17-18) God was always near me to remind me to draw near. But guess that's where Pastor Rick's sermon on Listening to the Voice of God comes in. I always heard, but I seldom listened.

The reminders have been coming hard and fast, but I guess tonight at the J21 rally was really the turning point for me. I've been looking forward to this 'reunion' (so Survivor) for quite a while now, I guess for all the wrong reasons though. Haha. Yup, I couldn't wait to hear that crazy awesome drummer play again! Hahaha... (ok the booing's starting again... sounds like Jason... hahaha KIDDING!) I know it sounds totally warped but hey, it's true. I was looking forward to hearing the band again. And I was looking forward to seeing the COOS/LH East Timor team.

So imagine how I felt when the first thing Cornelius (the worship leader) says is something along the lines of: "You're not here for the worship, for the sermon, for the testimonies. You're here for God." I'm like... woah God... easy on the conscience. And of course, by some absolutely DIVINE appointment, we didn't have a full band on stage! It was an acoustic, mixed-down set and the crazy awesome drummer was nowhere to be seen. Well, well. God 1, Elvin 0.

Watching the video clips and listening to the testimonies of those who went out, I just felt this twinge in my heart... an old, familiar twinge. A tug that I first felt during the J21 conference in December. And I realised what it was. It was the very heartbeat of God. Missions. And then I just saw this picture in my mind... a huge heart (not just the shape, mind you, the biological 3D version of it, with all the aortas and what-nots) linked to many other small hearts, all beating to the same rhythm. And I felt God begin to explain it to me. If we feel our wrists or some point on our necks (dunnow where, forgot all my first aid training), we can feel a pulse. And that pulse is beating IN TANDEM with the heart. In the picture I saw, God's heart is the big heart. Our hearts are the small ones. If we're linked to Him, our hearts will beat IN TANDEM, just like we can feel the pulse elsewhere in our bodies but it beats together with our heart.

OUR HEARTBEAT WILL BE GOD'S HEARTBEAT!

And what's God's heartbeat? MISSIONS!

Wow. God 1 million, Elvin 0.

And then Pastor Rick comes up to preach. What does he preach on? Listening ot the Voice of God. How we need to set aside time to listen to the voice of God. How we need to obey, lest God stops talking. The whole sermon can be summarised in 3 words, courtesy of the inspiring blind youth pastor who led a team to Kelantan for Fever100: Listen. Obey. Go. Bam, bam, bam. God's scoring innings like nobody's business.

Well, if that doesn't convince me to really re-focus and come back to God, I really dunno what will. I'm thankful God still speaks to hearts and lives today. He spoke through simple, ordinary people. Friends, leaders, unknown worship leaders, pastors. And because He speaks, I'm back here writing today.

So. Final score: God three thousand and four hundred and fifty two gadzillion quadrillion trillion billion million. Elvin?

Zero.

Thank God.